Random Erik

Ramblings on Cartoons, Music, Pop Culture and Whatever

How Smart Am I?

I’ve been working in the kitchen as Maggie away. I hauled the Cintiq tablet monitor from the office and hooked it to my laptop on the breakfast bar. Why? Because the office doesn’t get direct sunlight, and until we sort out the lighting my mood is improved by not spending all of my time in there. I draw on the Cintiq, and the Web comic I’m developing is going to change the world forever. So I’m drawing for many hours a day and appreciate the natural lighting. However, I digress. I’m in the kitchen, with our little TV on, watching The Simpsons.

Or, I was watching them before I got engrossed in something. When I looked up, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” had come on. I’ve carefully avoided this show. I can’t stand Jeff Foxworthy’s “aw shucks I’m a good-old boy redneck” routine. The title is downright insulting. I teach kids, some that age. I love them. They’re bright, inspired kids. But… I am smarter than them, at least in most ways. I don’t think that is either insulting to them or bragging on my part. I’d be in real trouble if I were teaching rooms full of smarter people.

Somehow, I’ve decided not to change the channel. Maybe it’s the same impulse that makes us slow down to look at an accident. The show appears to be a dumbed-down, Fox-network junkfest version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?”. And within a few minutes, I’ve figured out how the show works. They find adults who make rocks look smart to participate. I know, huge surprise, right? They probably have a pretest and pick out the people who misspell their own names. Currently, a blonde ditz is unsure of what continent contains the bulk of the Alps. In a previous question, she was guessing that Nebraska was in the Southwest but managed to get a correct answer (New Mexico is the southernmost of her options). Ooh, she guessed Europe, but looks unsure. Switzerland is in Europe, right? Yes! But she’s now decided that an Ape can’t be an anthropoid, because her name is April and she’s not an anthropoid. This woman is allowed to vote and serve on juries. Oh, but the kid got the right answer, which pushed her through somehow. I thought this was about being smarter than the tykes….

Wait, she’s hit a grammar question. What’s an adverb? “Well, I know it has something to do with verbs.” Brilliant deduction. Sadly, she’s unable to pick the adverb out of a sentence (she’s chosen the verb, probably based on that deduction). Have a copy of the home game, April.

But how smart am I? I’ve watched this far. I’ve fallen into that group who give better ratings to shows that follow popular shows just because they haven’t changed the channel. Smart people know how to use the remote.

Hey, it worked! Spongebob is on Nick! Jellyfishing! I love this show.

How smart am I? I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

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